Going Broke

This is a repost blog.

Original posts by Going Broke Going to Weddings on the Dear Wendy advice column. Only the original text of the letter is reproduced here. To read Wend’y advice, click through to the original links.

Date unclear: Do I Need to Give My Friend a Wedding Gift?

I have a bridesmaid/wedding guest etiquette question for you. I live in Australia, a country where most people living in the larger cities stay in these cities. It isn’t common for people to move interstate as there’s no need. I, however, was given a great opportunity to move, so I did. And I’m at the time in life where I have many weddings to get to, most of which are back in my home state.

My question is two parts:

1. If I’m travelling for a wedding, the cost being a minimum $400 USD (travel costs only), should I still be giving a gift? Generally at weddings here only money is requested — there’s no registry with gift options at a lower price point.

2. I am a bridesmaid in a wedding of a good friend, where I am paying for a new dress (very relaxed rules on style, so could I wear it again), paying $400 USD for flights to the bachelorette party, paying around $100 USD for the bachelorette activities, and then paying $800 for myself and my partner to go to the wedding as well.
I don’t know if I’m being an asshole thinking I shouldn’t be expected to also give a monetary gift? A lot of people say well if it’s a good friend, then I should, but I’m struggling to agree.

Some real world, no bullshit advice is what I’m after. If it were I, I would tell anyone travelling to not even think about giving me a gift, but not everyone would have the same sentiment.

— Going Broke Going to Weddings

Date unclear: Updates: “Going Broke Going to Weddings” Responds

quick update below:

Here’s a small update on the wedding which was around two weeks ago now. As mentioned in the comments, albeit a little later, I didn’t mean to get nothing at all — I meant to ask if I had to give the money they had requested on the invite.

Well, I spoke with another bridesmaid who was in the same position as I was (and earns far more money), and she also wondered if we had to give the cash gift as requested. So, with power in numbers, we both decided to get something sentimental rather than cash from us and our partners.

I got the bride and groom a nice bottle of anniversary wine in a box, and when I gave it to my friend she said something along the lines of OMG, you didn’t have to get me anything, you’ve already done enough by being here and travelling so far.”

The lesson for me is, when/if I get married, to communicate these things for my bridal party to save on extra stress and confusion!

I’m sure she would have been happy with a card, but I think in the end the wine was a great middle ground between it all.



Remember, this is a repost blog! If you comment here, the original poster is not going to see it.

October 17, 2023