Exit pursued by creepy dude

This is a repost blog.

Original posts by Anonymous letter-writer on Captain Awkward. Only the original letter-writer’s words are reproduced here. If you want to read Jennifer’s advice, click through to original link, and on the r/CaptainAwkward subreddit by gaygirlboss

18 Aug 2017: #1010: “Exit, pursued by a creepy dude.”

Hi Captain,

I have a friend (I’ll call him Dave”) whom I haven’t seen in person in years, but am still in touch with on social media. Several months ago, he messaged me to tell me that he liked me and would like to go on a date sometime. I didn’t know him very well at the time, but I liked him enough to at least give him a chance. Though the date never happened, we did message each other regularly for a while.

I’m very involved in local theater (we met doing a show together, actually–I’ve stuck with theater since then and he hasn’t), and he mentioned at one point that he’d like to see me in a play sometime. I had just been cast in a show at the community theater in the town where we both live, so I gave him the details for that.

Well, it eventually became apparent that Dave is not a guy I’m interested in dating. I don’t think he’s a bad person; I’m just not attracted to him. At all. When I told him this, he put on the whole but I just want to be friends, can’t we just talk and hang out as FRIENDS?” act. He then continued to keep sending flirty messages while denying that he was flirting. (“Can’t I tell my friend she’s pretty?” Can’t I let my friend know when I’m thinking about her?”) I stopped responding to his messages and blocked him from viewing everything I post.

Now the aforementioned community theater play I’m in is just a few weeks away from opening, and I’m very worried that he’s going to show up. (I am very annoyed at my past self for telling him I was in it!) Anyone can buy a ticket, so I can’t exactly tell him he can’t come. At this theater, the actors always do a little meet-and-greet with the audience after the show, so if he does come I’m going to have to interact with him. My anxiety about this is sort of ruining what would otherwise be a really fun and exciting thing. What do I do? Help me, Captain!


Exit, Pursued by Creepy Dude (She, her)

27 September 2023:An update from a letter writer (#1010)

Hi r/captainawkward! I’m the LW from letter 1010 (“Exit, Pursued by a Creepy Dude”). I thought it would be fun to write an update on how that whole situation turned out.

Long story short: Dave didn’t come to the show and it was a total non-issue. Hooray!

A bit more detail:

I haven’t heard from Dave in several years. (I’m not on social media much anymore, and he doesn’t have my contact information outside of that.) Last I checked, I think he was in a relationship with someone else? I wish him the best, and I hope he’s learned to treat women better than he treated me.

There’s also a little bit of a plot twist here, which you might have already caught onto if you noticed my username: I’m gay! I was DEEP in the closet when I wrote that post, and also in a fair bit of denial. (That whole thing I talked about in the letter, where I agreed to give him a chance but then quickly realized the attraction wasn’t there? Happened with every man I ever tried to date. GEE I WONDER WHY THAT COULD BE.) I came out a little over two years ago, and I can’t even begin to describe how much happier I am now.

And finally, to answer a question that came up in the comments on the original post: the show was Into the Woods, not The Winter’s Tale as the title of the post implies. But I am currently working on a PhD in Shakespeare studies, so I guess it all came full circle eventually.


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October 26, 2023