AITA for wanting to move out over lemonade?
This is a repost blog.
Original posts by u/throwaway_lemon_ade on r/AITA on Reddit
7 August 2023: AITA for wanting to move out over lemonade?
I (22F) moved back home to live with my parents two years ago. My family has always been very close, and my parents actually initiated my moving in so I could focus on building my savings.
Everything’s been great: the house is huge, so no one’s living on top of each other, and my mom has been ecstatic over all her kids being home. I take care of my space as well as shared spaces, doing chores, etc. They’ve refused any rent or grocery money I’ve ever offered, insisting I save most of the money I make. My mom grocery shops for the house, and always asks each family member what they need from the store for the week. I always ask for a 12 pack of canned lemonade. They’re my weak spot, I have one or two a day. My mom has never had a problem getting it for me before.
Recently though, she’s been resistant. Thinking it was about the money, I offered to give her the $5, and when that didn’t help I just started getting it myself, but she still glares at me when I drink it. I’ve kept asking what the issue is, but she just walks away and the next time I see her she’s changed the subject entirely. Things came to a head yesterday when I came home from work with some of my personal groceries, including lemonade. My mom lost it, crying and carrying on about how I don’t care about how anyone else feels. I’m at a COMPLETE loss, trying to calm her down, when she tells me if I’m going to continue with these habits I won’t do it under her roof.
Hearing that, I admit I did snap a bit. I was hurt that she would threaten to kick me out for any reason, considering how close we’ve always been, but especially since I don’t think I’ve done anything even remotely wrong. We got in a huge back n forth, mainly with me demanding she tell me what’s so wrong with me drinking some damn lemonade and her sneering at me saying “you know!”. I eventually stormed off to my room, feeling torn. My brother came in shortly after to talk. He says he understands completely where I’m coming from, but is suggesting I do what she’s asking and just stop drinking the lemonade.
I absolutely could, but at this point it’s sort of the principle. I know I’m living with my parents, but I’m an adult and feel I should be allowed to drink my preferred beverage whenever I please, especially if I’m now paying for it and going out to purchase it myself. It is just lemonade, but it goes both ways; my mom shouldn’t care about it either, because it’s JUST LEMONADE. If she’s insisting I stop drinking it or else I’m getting kicked out, I kinda want to take the initiative and just leave. I have plenty saved at this point. I feel bad because she’s my mom, she’s been so good to me and has given me the chance to gather the savings I now want to use to get away from her. I also feel bad for yelling at her; me getting worked up didn’t help the situation.
AITA for how I acted, or WIBTA if I left over this?
27 February 2023: **UPDATE** AITA for wanting to move out over lemonade?
Sorry I tried editing my original post to include this and it didn’t let me, hope it’s ok to post it here instead.
Ok guys, as mentioned in the comments I asked my mom if we could sit down tonight and have a calm conversation about what happened. My dad wasn’t home but I asked my brother to be there too as a sort of mediator. It was a long, emotional, draining talk and there isn’t a whole lot of resolution but it was very enlightening, finally.
I expressed to her that I’m mostly concerned for her, since her reaction to something seemingly so small has been increasingly intense and it’s starting to affect our relationship. I expressed that I felt confused and sought clarity, and that I felt hurt by her threats to kick me out in general because that’s not the kind of relationship we have. I told her I truly didn’t know what was up with the lemonade, and practically BEGGED her to open up.
She started getting teary, but was mostly calm. Here’s her side, apparently: in May, when this all started, she watched a documentary. They’re kind of her thing, and she watches a variety of genres. This particular documentary was about eating disorders. It discussed the culture/history behind it, the influence of social media, and the warning signs. My mom happened to see a lot of the warning signs in me and my behaviors. (I’m going to clarify here I do NOT and HAVE NEVER struggled with disordered eating, of any kind!). Some of the behaviors are as follows: she rarely sees me eat, I’m relatively skinny, I wear layers most of the time, I have an apple watch, and, of course, I drink low calorie drinks. Namely, ZERO-SUGAR lemonade, which I didn’t think to mention in the original post (but did include in the comments) because I honestly didn’t even think it would be relevant in any way. So basically, she’s been anxious this entire time that I’m withering away from an eating disorder, and every time she’s alluded or asked or demanded I stop drinking my (diet) lemonade, and I continue drinking it anyway, I’m being selfish, flaunting my disordered behaviors, and proving to her that I am, in fact, sick.
That was… a lot to take in. I genuinely didn’t think it would be THAT. Never once occurred to me. I defended myself for every point she made, which I will make again here: I work at a restaurant, nearly every day, usually afternoon into the night, so I’m rarely home for lunch or dinner. I get free food at my job, and pretty much every server there eats at least one of their meals during break, myself included. By the time I get home, I’ll have a snack or something before bed since it’s late, and in the morning I sometimes have breakfast at home but a lot of times I’m not hungry in the AM so i just do my thing until I leave, usually around 12pm, and I pick up food with friends or alone on my way. I know it’s not the healthiest of habits, nor is it the healthiest foods, but I am definitely not starving myself or counting calories. But in my worrywart (love her though) mother’s eyes, she hardly ever actually SEES me eat. When she does see me eat, I also don’t eat large portions, but I don’t think that’s odd since I’m not a large person; I’m 5 feet and around 110 pounds. I wear layers because it’s the fashion I like, sort of a vintage 70’s grungey look. I have an apple watch for the same reason I assume most people with iphones have one, which is, why not? It’s my dad’s old one. Also, it’s helpful for when I’m at work since I can’t carry my phone around. I’m not tracking my steps or anything. And lastly, I honestly, genuinely, truly just LIKE zero-sugar lemonade. Has nothing to do with calories, or health reasons, I just like it. I used to drink regular, until they were out of stock one day so I got zero-sugar, and found I liked it better because it wasn’t as thick or syrupy. THAT’S IT.
She cried, I cried, she apologized, I apologized. I’m not really sure where we go from here, since I can tell she doesn’t fully believe me. I’m going to make more of an effort to eat my meals at home, but I’m not going to pig out in front of her just to appease a generally unfounded worry she developed from watching a movie. I might also cut back on the lemonades since they’re clearly a trigger for her, and I need to drink more water anyway. Other than that, I don’t think I did anything wrong to now need to change my behaviors in an extreme way. I told her, and my brother seconded this, that she needs to stop holding this stuff in and just talk to people, because otherwise it creates misunderstandings like this and I honestly did feel very hurt by the things she said during our fight, and also with how weirdly distant she’s been treating me since all this started. My brother added that if I HAD been dealing with an eating disorder, the way my mom went about it wasn’t helpful and likely could’ve made it worse. She explained she didn’t ever really intend to kick me out even if I was sick, she just wanted to shock me into admitting I needed help or something.
Again, still feeling hurt by all this, but at least I understand better now. I told my mom I’d be willing to try therapy if she does, and she said she’d think about it. I think she really needs it. I asked if she had personal experience with eating disorders, either herself or a loved one, to have such an intense reaction and she declined to answer so I think there’s some trauma there. Hopefully we can both work on communicating better in the future, and I specifically am going to start trying to see the root of her turmoils instead of taking her reactions so personally. I’m not moving out, or at least not because of this. If a pattern continues, if she keeps mistrusting me and lashing out or holding things in again, that might change.
Thank you guys for all your advice! It honestly helped lots to know I wasn’t the only one thinking I was going crazy. I know a lot of people guessed she thought it was hard lemonade, which was my most prominent assumption before our talk, too. Just want to clarify I don’t drink, hate the taste, hate the feeling, and it makes me nauseous nearly instantly. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve had a night out surrounding alcohol or a mimosa brunch or whatever. Which I guess could’ve been why she would be so worried, but it wasn’t even related to that so yea lol. Super crazy few days, hoping for the best moving forward. I’ll try to answer any lingering burning questions in the comments if they come up! Night y’all ✌🏻
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