WIBTA if I told my brother that I know about his sexual preference?
This is a repost blog.
Original posts by u/ver03255 on r/AmitheAsshole on Reddit
May 15 2020: WIBTA if I told my brother that I know about his sexual preference?
I am a 24-year-old straight male and my brother is 17 years old. We grew up in a deeply Catholic household, so our parents are very…ummm…traditional. It came to a point where when I was watching Game of Thrones and there was a gay sex scene, my dad asserted that we never watch that show again.
Fast forward to yesterday. My brother usually borrows my iPad to do some schoolwork. He naturally used a messaging app to talk with his classmates, but he often forgets to log out (no biggie, I just log it out when it’s my turn to use it). However, last night, I saw a notification I didn’t mean to read. It said, “good night, babe!” followed by kiss and heart emojis.
This was from a guy who we thought was just his best friend.
Now I know he could be gay or bi or whatever, and I don’t have any problems with that. I also respect his privacy, and I totally understand that I should not out him if he’s not yet ready.
However, with all the news about the mental health of teenagers lately, I’m afraid of what keeping this to himself would do to him. Also, because of my parents’ disposition about these things, I’m afraid that my brother won’t ever have the courage or be comfortable enough to ever open up to us.
I just want him to know that he has an ally in me and that I’ll love him no matter what.
We’re a close family, but we’re not vocal about emotional things. I’ve never said “I love you” to anyone at home, we just know it. That’s why no matter how subtle or casual I try to talk to him about this, it would surely be a big moment for us and he might just feel really unsafe and/or uncomfortable.
So, WIBTA if I told him I know about his sexual preference?
EDIT: I apologize for using “preference.” I admit that I am not well-versed in this matter, and I’ve just started reading up on how to handle this carefully and sensitively.
Verdict: NTA… but don’t out him
1 June 2020: UPDATE My brother came out to me!
Many people messaged me asking for an update, so here it is.
So, most of you told me that I should just voice out my support for the LGBT community instead of directly talking to my brother about his sexuality. This was very helpful as I did not want him to feel pressured to come out.
When I wrote my original post, I was already watching Schitt’s Creek, which had non-straight main characters. This was really convenient because I could simply say remarks like “Awww, they make a really nice couple” and “Wow, I wish my relationship with my gf was like that.”
I also asked my bro about Pride month (he has been going to marches as an ally for the past few years with his out friends). I asked him “Hey, what’s their plan for Pride month during quarantine? Too bad they can’t hold the march, I was thinking of joining.”
I didn’t really know how to be subtle, okay.
When our parents went grocery shopping last weekend, that’s when he told me. “You already know, don’t you?” I knew what he was asking but I tried to play dumb. “You know, that I’m gay, right?”
I just said yes, told him about the iPad incident, and hugged him. He cried and asked me not to tell our parents, which of course I agreed to. He then asked if this changes anything between us, to which I replied “Of course, now you have to give me better fashion advice!” (I make jokes when I’m emotional, okay)
I told him he has my support no matter what, and that I can help him come out to our parents when he’s ready. I also told him that he and his boyfriend (which he confirmed) are a great couple, then I reminded him that they should always be “safe” (Giving sex advice to my brother was VERY awkward).
That’s it. He’s still annoying as hell, because, you know, he’s my brother, but I’ve never seen him happier, and I can really feel that a burden has been lifted off his shoulders.
Thanks, everyone!
EDIT: I just realized that it’s now June! HAPPY PRIDE MONTH, EVERYONE!
EDIT2: Wow, this kinda blew up! I was just doing what any caring brother would do, and I’m glad it has a positive effect on other people. I was raised with values to love and accept everyone, regardless of gender/sexuality, so that will never change especially for my bro. Again, thank you for the overwhelming support!
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