This is a repost blog.
Original posts by Grandma Too Early in the advice column written by Carolyn Hax. Only the original letters’ text is reproduced here - to read Carolyn’s advice, click through to original links.
12 Jun 2011: Our problem has many layers
Dear Carolyn: Our problem has many layers. Our 16-year-old son fathered a child. At this time, he does not have a relationship with the mother, who is also 16. We encouraged her to give the baby up for adoption but we were unsuccessful. The baby is now 3 months old and we have seen him a few Saturdays in a row for several hours.
Here are our many dilemmas: Our son has no interest in parenting; we are in our late 40s and not really interested in being new parents again either; the mother would like us to have the baby each weekend from 1 to 8 p.m. both Saturday and Sunday.
I can already feel resentment building. My husband and I don’t want to spend our entire weekend caring for a child.
I know it is not the baby’s fault. My son made an error in judgment and we are all paying the price. I feel like I probably can handle one day a week and we are trying to set a good example for our son. We feel he eventually needs to step up and be a father to this child, but I am concerned that if we force him to, then he will resent his child. – Grandma too early
27 February 2023: Teen Dad A Blassing To Watch
DEAR CAROLYN: I wanted to give you an update to “Teen son’s baby needs your love.”
The child is now 2 ½, and we all have a strong bond and successful relationship. Here are some of the highlights from the past two years.
The baby’s mother was not happy with the living arrangement she had at her mother’s home, so for five months she and the baby lived with us. This was a perfect way for us to really bond with the baby. After five months, the mother chose to move out of our house.
From that point on, we had contact or visitation 50 percent of the time. At the beginning of her senior year, she and her boyfriend moved into an apartment. The good news is we have known this boy most of his life and think he is a good guy. We live in a small town. Hopefully this relationship will endure. We have gone to court twice to legally establish the 50-50 custody arrangement.
Your big question is, how did my son evolve? He is amazing. He was tentative the first year. He did what he was required to and not much more. Then a miracle transpired. The baby turned 1. He started walking, talking and specifically saying, “DaDa.” That was all it took. My son is a better father to his son than many men twice his age. He never complains and has enormous patience. He asks questions, learns quickly and looks up information. It is a blessing to watch.
So there you have it. Thanks for reposting my letter and allowing me to see just how far we have come.”
– A Loving Grandma
Remember, this is a repost blog! If you comment here, the original poster is not going to see it.