I met too many men with the same unpleasant personality

This is a repost blog.

Original letters appeared in Ask Amy.

The original question-writer’s words are reproduced here - to read Amy Dickinson’s advice, click through to the original link.

Dec 2022: I met too many men with the same unpleasant personality

Dear Amy: I am a divorced 52-year-old woman who is experiencing a disturbing situation. Men I meet for possible relationships have what I describe as argumentative personalities.

They are never agreeable on any topics that come up in conversation.

The topics range from personal decisions to politics to differences between men and women. These men come across as misogynistic, condescending, critical of everything around them, yet they see themselves as decent normal good guys who know how to treat women. They couldn’t be more wrong.

They often present topics that are inflammatory and then say women can’t handle the conversations because we are too caught up in our feelings.

I don’t entertain these men for long, but I meet man after man after man who has this same personality.

Just what has happened to the art of decent conversation?

After talking to these men for a short period of time the focus turns away from seeking companionship to sparring partners. I don’t understand it and it is very frustrating. Amy, just what is this phenomenon?

Missing the Art of Conversation

20 June 2023: Update

Dear Amy, I accepted your advice of moving offline — where I was meeting most of these men — and put myself where I could encounter people in real life.

I found that when I made eye contact and smiled at people in groups and social situations, it did start the process of conversation, especially with men.

When the conversation has turned to an inflammatory topic, I’ve said, That doesn’t really interest me at all; perhaps you can find someone else to talk to about that.”

Also, I still follow a bit of advice you published years ago. You wrote: People who are decent and kind get to share my world. Everyone else can take a seat.”

I found this on an index card I had in an old journal. It is now posted where I can always see it

Not Missing the Art of Conversation Anymore


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October 2, 2023